Going once... Going twice....

Suzanne visited me in my house last week.

Immediately after leaving, I shellacked my couch to contain the awesomeness of her presence. NO ONE is allowed to sit there right now as the faint whiff of her perfume still lingers upon the cushion. (I just sit on the floor and smell... It's heavenly.) However, as I was getting up to go and do housework (I know, it seems so insignificant) I found a crumpled and used Kleenex on the floor next to the couch.

Suzanne's allergies had been acting up the entire time she graced me with her presence, and she had used several of these paper products to swipe at the drippage from her perfectly shaped pixie nose. Most she placed directly into the miracle bag she calls a purse, but this one managed to escape the confines of the leather and hid itself on the floor of my living room.

I ran for the kitchen, with all haste, to get some latex gloves. I put them on and returned to the living room where I picked up the Kleenex between the thumb and forefinger of my right hand. I looked at it in awe. Here was the DNA of Suzanne!!! (Hence the reason I needed the gloves. My own DNA would have contaminated the exquisiteness found inside this wadded up tissue!)

I am currently in quite the conundrum.

Keeping this Kleenex in an airtight presentation box holds a great appeal, for it gives me a little leverage over the other stalkers. It also reminds me that I am special to Suzanne that she would leave me such a gift, albeit unintentionally.

Whilst having the DNA of Suzanne shifts me to the #1 fan/stalker position, I must admit that an item this amazing would sell for astronomical values on such places as eBay and craigslist. (I mean, if people are willing to pay thousands of dollars for a bag that held pee for a sports athlete to fake a drug test, then obviously, Suzanne's discarded snot would be worth far more!!!)

On the other hand, were I to present such DNA evidence to a cloning machine, I would be able to have my own little Suzanne with me at all times.

What to do... What to do...