This can't be happening...

SOB!!!!!!!!!!!

How will I survive????

Thank goodness for my tissue...

Maybe I will make the mini-Suzanne after all...

Bring on the cloning machine!!!

Things Suzanne Doesn't Like

1.  People that may or may not be homeless walk the streets.

2.  The ghetto.

3.  Giving out personal information.

4. Double Pan-Fried Noodles from P.F. Changs

5. Wasting food.

6. Non-valet parking.

7.  Unlocked doors.

8.  Peeping toms.

9.  Cabbies.

10.  Reading blogs (other than this one, of course!)

BLOW IT!!!

I called Suzanne's house this week in an effort to ask a favor.

She is so amazing, of course she said yes.

I asked her to play the flute for the upcoming Primary Sacrament Meeting Program. She is going to play Families Can Be Together Forever!!

There are two things she will never blow - having her family together, and being a good friend!

She can still blow her flute next week!

Vampire Tales

I was at book group with Suzanne last week.  She even sat by me!  We were discussing one of my favorite books, The Historian by Elizabeth Kolostova.  I always love historical fiction and when a book makes me want to learn more about the history after I am finished with the story, I consider it a success.  This book made me want to find out more about Vlad Tepes and the vampire folklore surrounding this real life person.

Suzanne doesn't believe in vampires. 

I get a daily email digest from a source called, Help a Reporter Out.  Basically, you can submit items and get sources on your various topics to help you with articles.  Not long after book group a request came out asking for people that don't believe in vampires and think all this vampire stuff is bad for society. 

I thought for a second about sending the info to Suzanne so she could respond.

Then I remembered something very important that we learned about Suzanne. 

She doesn't want any fame and notoriety so her kids won't get kidnapped. 

I wonder what we should do about this blog?  It's only a matter of time before she has even more stalkers! 

By Special Invitation

I invited Suzanne to my 09-09-09 (on 09-08-09-- TONIGHT!)  party.  I really hope she comes.  She came to my 08-08-08 party last year and even won a medal!!!  She's so athletic.  Tonight it is a dance party.  I'm pretty sure she has some sweet moves from the 90's. 

I wonder what she'll be wearing?

Going once... Going twice....

Suzanne visited me in my house last week.

Immediately after leaving, I shellacked my couch to contain the awesomeness of her presence. NO ONE is allowed to sit there right now as the faint whiff of her perfume still lingers upon the cushion. (I just sit on the floor and smell... It's heavenly.) However, as I was getting up to go and do housework (I know, it seems so insignificant) I found a crumpled and used Kleenex on the floor next to the couch.

Suzanne's allergies had been acting up the entire time she graced me with her presence, and she had used several of these paper products to swipe at the drippage from her perfectly shaped pixie nose. Most she placed directly into the miracle bag she calls a purse, but this one managed to escape the confines of the leather and hid itself on the floor of my living room.

I ran for the kitchen, with all haste, to get some latex gloves. I put them on and returned to the living room where I picked up the Kleenex between the thumb and forefinger of my right hand. I looked at it in awe. Here was the DNA of Suzanne!!! (Hence the reason I needed the gloves. My own DNA would have contaminated the exquisiteness found inside this wadded up tissue!)

I am currently in quite the conundrum.

Keeping this Kleenex in an airtight presentation box holds a great appeal, for it gives me a little leverage over the other stalkers. It also reminds me that I am special to Suzanne that she would leave me such a gift, albeit unintentionally.

Whilst having the DNA of Suzanne shifts me to the #1 fan/stalker position, I must admit that an item this amazing would sell for astronomical values on such places as eBay and craigslist. (I mean, if people are willing to pay thousands of dollars for a bag that held pee for a sports athlete to fake a drug test, then obviously, Suzanne's discarded snot would be worth far more!!!)

On the other hand, were I to present such DNA evidence to a cloning machine, I would be able to have my own little Suzanne with me at all times.

What to do... What to do...

August Book Group

 

Christy says:  Remember when Wendy and I used to dress alike?